Did Your Partner Let You Down on Mother's Day?
Did your Mother’s Day end in disappointment?
Were you expecting your partner to spearhead celebrating you and honoring your contributions?
Maybe you’ve been working a lot, shouldering all the household responsibilities, taking care of the children and were hoping to be acknowledged on your special day?
Is all of this making you really pissed off at your partner because you had expected that they would step up?
If that’s you, listen up!
I’m sharing 4 showstoppers with you on what to do with the disappointment and how to turn that into something that is going to meet your needs.
First of all, I hear you, I see you. I know how hard you’ve been working. You want more for yourself and your family and you’re tired.
But, you may or may not have already realized that working hard and sacrificing yourself hasn’t gotten you the results you want.
So, you’re probably wondering “What will?”.
Let me ask you this, where did you learn to not pay attention to yourself?
Where did you learn that working hard and putting everyone’s needs ahead of yours is what you need to do?
Ready for your 1st showstopper?
- Ask yourself “What do I gain by putting myself last?”. You may be thinking that the answer is nothing, there’s no gain to putting yourself last. But, let me tell you this – in my decades of working with people, there’s always a secondary gain even to the most destructive patterns. Start to journal and see if you can pinpoint what that is. Because once you know what it is, you can start to shift that pattern.
You probably will not like hearing this next one. However, I want to talk about “should” versus “choice”. If you’re like most women, you start off doing something for your family because you think you should. But, have you ever thought that it’s you making that choice? No one is requiring you to do that and, still, you get pissed that you’re not being recognized for your hard work.
This is why I said you might not like hearing this second showstopper.
- How are you contributing to this situation? Where are you “should”-ing’ yourself in your life? Can you shift that to be a choice you’re making for you? When we make a choice for ourselves, it stops us from blaming anyone for it. How many times have you done something because you “should” do it instead of just making that choice for yourself?
I used to live like this and many of my clients have done this. But, when they make the shift (however uncomfortable it may be) to put themselves first, things start to shift very quickly.
Ok, let’s take a look at the next one!
Another one that might trigger you.
We started off by asking if you’re “disappointed” in your partner but, are you angry at them?
- No one is responsible for your feelings other than you. Ouch!!!! Did that hurt? This is not to minimize what your partner is doing, showing up or not. But, your partner is not responsible for how you feel. You are!
Like I said, I am here to help you create transformation, whether you like what I am saying or not. These are radical ways of being but I know they work when you put them into practice.
Last and final show stopper.
- Have you shared with them what you want? You see, I often notice that women don’t share what they want. They tend to be over-givers and then get resentful. But your partner can’t read your mind. I use this analogy a lot – you love oranges so you give your partner oranges, they love chocolate so they give you chocolate. Do you see how you keep missing each other?
Ok, let’s recap the 4 showstoppers:
- Ask yourself “What do I gain by putting myself last?”
- Take a look at how you are contributing to the situation and shift from “should” to “choice”
- Remember, you are the only one responsible for your feelings
- Share with your partner what it is you really want
Relationships can be quite complex because, unconsciously, we often find partners in order to meet needs that are not being met.
If you want to explore where you’re feeling stuck, join my waitlist for my FREE Relationship Bootcamp starting in June.
Or if you’re ready to dive deep, one on one, schedule a 20 minute coaching call with me. We’ll take a look at where you’re stuck and see if we are a good fit to work together.